I saw this quote a while back from Dr. Rebecca Ray. It stayed with me. I’ve traveled back to it time and time again because I’m not a natural sitter. What is IT? A problem, a trauma, pain, confusion, hurt, frustration indecision…anxiety.
The quote is powerful. Take a look.
“Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Even though you want to run. Even when it’s heavy and difficult. Even though you’re not quite sure of the way through. Healing happens by feeling.”
Dr. Rebecca Ray
Confession…. I’ve never been a good sitter. However, I was a lifelong self-medicator. Doing whatever it took to avoid sitting with something. First, it was food and approval. Then it was alcohol and approval. Then I looped back to food and yes, you guessed it, approval. Today there is no alcohol, and the food is rarely the kind we seek out for comfort. That pesky approval still rears its needy head from time to time but as a whole, I’ve had to find other ways to cope.
Being diagnosed with OCD nearly 2 decades ago helped to explain my inability to sit with anything, but even with OCD, I’ve had to figure out a few things that work.
EFT tapping, meditation, nature, music, and my guiltiest of pleasures, TikTok all help but it still takes dedicated effort to sit in pain/anger/fear/sadness/and the biggie….. uncertainty, instead of acting or reacting to all the heavy stuff around me.
Lately, my life has been in a constant state of change. Change scares the shit out of me. Plain and simple. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. I love being in control and change challenges that.
Some of the changes were planned and preparations were made to make them as easy as possible. Others felt like blindsides and some are problems I chose to bury away because I wasn’t strong enough to deal with them yet. All these changes have bubbled to the surface at the same exact time.
To be completely transparent, I’m pretty proud of myself for even having the energy to be here typing out these words. It’s a testament to how far I’ve come in my ability to deal with life unfolding as it does.
But still, I struggle.
My ”sitting with it” is not pretty. It’s not peaceful. It’s not all deep breathing and mantras.
It’s a lot of sighing, crying, and staring off into nothingness. A lot of processing quietly, binge-watching tv shows I’ve seen a million times, long showers, and naps.
For me, ”sitting with it” means that I have enough self-worth to give myself time to truly process something before I act or react.
And as the clever Dr. Rebecca Ray said…”Even though you’re not quite sure of the way through. Healing happens by feeling.”
So I ask you…Can you sit with it?
A Kinder Way 
I can sympathise with the approval and the alcohol part. My approval came through work where I was working my butt off. I recently let go of my job, something that once scared the heck out of me, but the scariest part about it really is the letting go of my source of approval. It took a few years to get there but it started with similar feelings like those you’re experience. In other words: it’s a painful long process to sit through your stuff, but you will eventually get there and it will feel so much nice. Wishing you all the best for that journey of yours!
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I’m so happy for you that you let go of a job that was not a source of happiness for you! I have made progress in leaps and bounds but as we all know, we never stop growing or learning. A few years ago I would have laughed at ”sitting with it” and I’d have been certain it was not even a possibility. Now sitting with it has become my new normal. I’m still not the best at it but I do it and hopefully, in time I will develop that skill into something I am at ease with. ❤ Thank you for sharing your story here!
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I loved the line “I’m not a good sitter”. 🙂 Same here. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be learnt.
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I still sometimes have difficulty sitting with some things, especially if they’re fresh, so I have found that taking a meditative, prayer walk helps me, then doing art therapy-type artwork helps me to process and to see what I’m struggling with. Those things help me to prepare myself, and I find I’m much more receptive to what I find.
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Beautiful article ! You are absolutely right sitting with it means enough self worth to do something properly. Well shared thanks 👍
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Man oh man!
I struggle with this too! I never knew I had anxiety because I do not shut down… I eat, I clean, I research, I plan, I ask questions, I seek advice from people who I think will agree with me (approval) and sitting with it, is HARD, but I am finding… it is soooo necessary!
I do not like what it feels like or looks like, it does not always feel productive and I struggle with not feeling productive or not being able to FIX something. I too like to be in control and I want people to deal with things the way I do by still being productive and it causes issues.
I am getting better, but, “Can I sit with it?” Most of the time… no, but I am willingly and slowly learning.
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