Self Kindness Versus Selfless Kindness


I believe that given the chance most people will choose to be kind…selflessly kind. I think it’s instinctual really.  Even the grumble bunnies out there, when put to the test will often choose an act of kindness when the opportunity strikes.  It makes us feel good. I guess to some, that’s not self-less…but I’m going to call it that here. People like to do kind things for others. Period.

I also believe that self-kindness is something most of us struggle with.

Self-kindness is often confused with selfishness and wrapped up with guilt or shame.  It can be seen as weakness or self-absorption. We actually feel bad inside for choosing to be kind to ourselves.


I’ve been mulling this question over and over in my mind for the last several days and to be completely honest the best answer I can come up with is because we are afraid to look bad. We don’t want to be the bad guy/girl. We don’t want to disappoint someone. We don’t want to look selfish, self-absorbed or weak.  So when we choose self-kindness over selfless kindness we feel like crap. We feel shame, guilt, and all the other icky, yucky things we feel because we are inherently good people.

Self-kindness can mean saying no. GASP!!!  It can mean putting our needs ahead of someone else’s. It can mean setting boundaries or honoring our limits. It can mean that we have to stand firm in our skin and say,

This is what’s best for me and I matter. 

I believe that the only way we are ever going to get comfortable with truly being kind to ourselves is through practice.  We need to pounce on opportunities to be kind to ourselves, no matter how small.  With practice, we will learn that while it’s awesome to show kindness to others, we are no less valuable, our needs no less important.

We have to show up for ourselves through random acts of self-kindness. We have to let go of the destructive and toxic thoughts that self-kindness is less important than selfless kindness. We have to be our own champion and simply be to ourselves what we love being for others.

Moving forward, I challenge myself…and YOU…. to practice self-kindness every single day. It may seem awkward, or uncomfortable at first, but if we allow it to be the new norm, we will become accustomed to it and the world around us will adjust.

Thanks for reading and Happy New Year!


Forgiving Fridays






36 thoughts on “Self Kindness Versus Selfless Kindness

  1. Dear Nikki 🙂 Again a very wisdomfull post! I think most of us would need to work on being kinder to ourself a little.

    Thank you for the New Year’s wishes, and may 2018 bring health, love and peace of mind to you and your loved ones!! *Big big big hugs*

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi Nikki. Thank you for a wonderful post. I have been working a lot on self kindness. I don’t believe it is selfish at all to put self-care first. The better we feel and the happier we are, the more primed we will be to radiate love out to those around us. Wishing you a joyous 2018!


    Liked by 1 person

  3. I personally never understood why being kind to one self or wanting to be truly happy was seen as a selfish act. Other people matter, of course they do but far most you yourself matters too. You can’t take care of others if you can’t take care of yourself. So why is i judged as selfish the odd time we do choose ourselves for anything? Acts of selfless kindness feels good, but being kind to yourself should feel good too like you shared. I think sometimes people end up unhappy because they don’t put themselves first enough, are always bleeding for others or putting them first forgetting about their own happiness and health. So I think it applies to other things, but kindness definitely like you shared. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Nikki this is really beautiful. Taking care of ourselves is one of the things I hold most dear, and I’m learning a lot on how to do that, day by day, using forgiveness to get free of blocks I put in the way. I agree and love what you said about practice, and pouncing on opportunities to be kind to ourselves. Be gentle to myself, again and again, with gusto!! Yes 💜

    I’d love for you to contribute this post to #ForgivingFridays if you want to. Self care fits in perfectly with self forgiveness. I’m so glad I saw this post, Nikki.

    I wish for you a 2018 full of being kind to yourself, knowing your goodness, and standing on this. 💜 You rock, and I love you.
    Blessings! Debbie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Debbie! I will add the link for sure.

      I’m glad you saw this post too. Blogging has been pretty sporadic as of late. I’ve had a lot of other things on my mind. I hope to get back into a routine here and be a better blog reader as well.

      Great big new year hugs sent your way. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There is a woman who works at Costco who is also from New England. When everyone else is wearing their Dallas Jerseys, she is proudly rocking her Tom Jersey. Me?? I wear my Gronk T-shirt on most Sunday outings! She and I bond each time we see each other. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  5. AMAZING, Nikki! This is something I am working hard on right now. Surrounding me are people who expect so much from me and it stresses me out, so I have started saying no and it has changed my life!! It’s ok for me to put myself first and take of me. I love this!!! Happy New Year, beautiful!! xo

    Liked by 1 person

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