For the last 4 years of my life, I’ve been searching for something. I had no idea what that something was. It took me about a year of doing absolutely nothing but feeling sorry for myself to even begin the internal work that I need to do. I really had no idea where to start. I had had my role in life, in our family, in the world for 40 years and I had no way of knowing how to find a new role when our son no longer needed a full-time mom. I felt purposeless.
My life changed when I bought the book ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ by the phenomenal Louise Hay. I didn’t know what to do with the powerful message but I knew it resonated with me. I knew that while reading that book something shifted inside of me.
After a year of searching for my place and trying to figure out what I wanted for this part of my life, writing became the clear and prominent passion that churned in my tummy.
I started this blog after months of thought. I loved the idea of a Kinder life. I feel like kindness….both outward and inward is the key to living an exceptional and happy life.
Over the next year, I found an amazing community of writers, artists, photographers….humans! I felt connected and like I had found my tribe.
Then ego got in the way. I started believing that having a massive blog with loads of followers was the key to my purpose! I forgot all about writing my book….I still talked about it, but I never worked on it. I thought blogging multiple times a day about lots of different topics would make me feel fulfilled.
It did not.
So instead of slowing down and taking a breath….I started a new blog. Flying Through Water. I felt that A Kinder Way was holding me back. I know now that I was holding me back. My ego was holding me back. But at the time I could not see that.
I can happily say that with the encouragement of several you and a little nagging voice in the back of my mind….I just put A Kinder Way on hold. Set the blog to private instead of letting it go completely and then I jumped into the pool of a creating a new blog.
I loved the idea and I enjoyed the process of starting fresh. But when we don’t learn from our experiences…we keep experiencing the same lesson over and over until we get it. Another year passed.
My purpose…still not found.
I recently wrote on FTW about pulling back from blogging to work on my book….and that is what I did. Then one day about 2 months ago I received an email letting me know that akinderway.com was going to expire soon. I remember a feeling sweeping over me when I read that email. I knew that there was no way I was letting go of that domain. A Kinder Way is my baby. I worked tirelessly on the concept and there was no way I could say goodbye to it.
Steve and I talked about it and I shared my regret of having ever stopped blogging here. I told him I wanted to go back to A Kinder Way but I feared looking flakey and that my blogging tribe would wonder what my deal was. I feared looking like a fake and that I would lose any chance of seeming authentic. That people would judge me and think I was silly. (Steve’s response was pretty much…’Who cares what anyone thinks? This is your life and we know the truth so follow your passion!’
And then it hit me.
I need A Kinder Way.
I still need to learn how to practice self-care, self-love, self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, self-awareness, self-confidence….self-KINDNESS!
Sometimes it takes a very long time and a lot of trial and error to find our way. Flying Through Water was fun! It had its purpose, but as I’ve traveled down the road to self-discovery all roads have led me back to A Kinder Way and after a long year away, I am happy to be home.
I hope you’ll join me!
Thanks for Reading~
*I’m submitting this post to Forgiving Fridays over at Forgiving Connects!